Break up
by HTTS-76
Summary: Harry slips up one night, bedding another man. What happens when Draco walks in on them? COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Title: Break-up

Pairing: Harry Potter X Draco Malfoy

Rating: R

Genre: drama, hurt/comfort, romance

Warnings: coarse language, mentions of m/m sexual situations, attempted suicide, mild violence

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

* * *

Headmaster Dumbledore glanced around in his office. "We'll be going to St. Brutus' for incurably homosexual boys."

Hermione frowned. "What is Harry doing there?"

"I believe his relatives enrolled him into that institute when they found out that Harry is attracted to the same sex," Dumbledore explained gently.

Draco snorted and folded his arms. "When are we going?"

"When the portkey is ready."

Tonks shifted from one foot to another. "Say, cousin …"

"What?" Draco gritted out.

"No need to get hostile, cousin," Nymphadora smiled and wrapped an arm around the sour looking Draco. "You'll get to see your boyfriend again after six weeks. Isn't that great?"

"Yes, just awesome," Draco drawled. "When is that portkey ready, old man?"

"Draco," Hermione scolded, sending him a look. "Just be patient."

Draco rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. He had gotten word from Dumbledore, requesting his presence at the school in the middle of summer break. They had just finished their 'eighth year', graduated and were officially free from school.

"Portkey is ready," an Order member announced.

"Finally," Draco grumbled.

Weasley sent him an annoyed look and moved to touch the portkey. When they were all touching the Muggle object, Dumbledore counted from three to one and they were swept away.

"According to my sources, Harry should be in room one-hundred and three," Dumbledore said once they arrived at the Muggle institute.

Draco reached for the handle and pulled it down, opening the door cautiously. It reminded him strongly of a room at St. Mungos; white walls that pained your eyes, no decorations and a few beds in it. When he looked to his left he saw Harry in bed, fast asleep. But that wasn't what worried him. It was the dark-haired man lying next to him that had him clenching his fists.

He reached for the thin sheet that covered their bodies and pulled it back. Swallowing thickly, he looked at the naked forms of both men. The older man's arms were wrapped around Harry, one leg thrown over Harry's. Closing his eyes, Draco drew the sheet back.

"Draco, is Harry―"

"Yup, Potter is here," Draco managed to say as casual as possible. "Apparently he didn't miss me much."

Hermione gasped, moving to stand by Draco's side. "Draco …"

"Don't say anything," Draco warned. Hermione wrapped her arms around him, smiling sadly when she felt his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry," she said.

Draco looked down at her, trying not to show the pain he felt inside. He'd gotten closer to Hermione, but was still reluctant to open up to her. Hell, it had taken Harry more than a year to open up his shell.

"Oh, shit," someone said. One of the boys in the room had woken up and was staring from Harry to the livid Draco.

"Damn, he's gorgeous," another boy whispered, looking Draco up and down with wide eyes.

Draco grabbed a chair after letting go of Hermione, put it in front of the bed and took a book, starting to read. Hermione left Draco alone, backing out of the room in shock. The blonde kept a neutral expression on his face but inside he was seething with anger. He felt his magic surge through him, wanting to get out. Draco clenched his jaw and resumed reading, while looking at the naked form of his boyfriend.

"You must be the boyfriend?" a boy asked, sitting up in the bed he slept in.

"Was," Draco replied absentmindedly. "Apparently Potter has found someone else." He flipped a page and resumed reading. "Who's the bloke?"

"Mike," the boy said.

Draco nodded. "Common name," he snorted. "I bet he must've had the time of his life. Apparently I wasn't good enough for his Majesty anymore."

The boy bit his lip. "Harry talked about you, told us how strongly he felt about you."

"I bet he did," Draco snorted, looking up from the book. "That's why he's had sex with someone else."

Finally the older boy―Mike―stirred. Next to him, Harry started moving as well, turning in Mike's arms. "Hmm … Draco …"

Draco looked up, watching Harry snuggle into the arms of the Mike bloke. He wanted to punch something so badly.

Suddenly, Harry's eyes snapped open. His jaw dropped at the sight of a naked Mike lying next to him and he backed away. "No …" he whispered in shock, tears forming in his eyes. "Oh, God, no. Please tell me we didn't …"

The look on Mike's face was enough to confirm Harry's thoughts. His thoughts snapped back to the previous night. Mike kissing him, telling him he was attracted to him. Mike pushing him gently on the bed. Harry started crying when he remembered how he had spread his legs for the older man, moaning like some common whore when Mike entered him.

Draco cleared his throat loudly. "Well, good afternoon to you too."

Harry froze up and turned around slowly. He let out a choked sob at the sight of Draco sitting in a chair next to him. "Draco …"

"What a nice reunion, isn't it?" Draco spat. "You've been in this place for what, two weeks and you've already fucked someone else?" Then he seemed to re-think that sentence. "Well, I'd imagine that he fucked you." He didn't care that there were other people in the room, nor about the fact that Potter's friends and the old coot were standing outside and could obviously hear them.

"Draco, I―"

"Save it," Draco snapped and got up from the chair, throwing the book aside. "Six weeks, Potter. Six fucking weeks, and you've slept with someone else," he shook his head. "How loyal."

Draco turned to the door and paused. "And another thing; we're over."

"No, Draco," Harry choked out. "Please."

Draco sent him a cold look and left the room, closing the door softly. Outside of the room, he let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes briefly. "I'll be outside."

Harry crawled under the covers and started crying silently. He felt Mike's hand on his shoulders, pulling back the covers and pulled the raven-haired man close to him. "How could I do this to him?" he sobbed.

"Shh," Mike soothed.

"I cheated on him!"

"You told me you had a boyfriend and I didn't listen," Mike said. "He should be mad at me, not you."

"I let you inside me, Mike!" Harry snapped. "I cheated on him in the worst way possible and he was here, he saw us …" He started sobbing harder.

Suddenly the door opened, revealing Hermione and Ron. "Get ready, Harry. We're leaving in a few minutes." Hermione stared at Harry, who was still crying and wrapped in Mike's arms. Harry could see the disappointment in her eyes. He lowered his eyes, feeling ashamed of himself.

"Where's Draco?"

"He went outside," Ron said. "Probably for a breather. Mate, you fucked up badly."

Harry shut his eyes and wiped his tears away. "I know," he whispered.

"Get dressed, ok? We'll talk about this when we get back," Hermione said, her voice as cold as ice.

*

Draco let out a deep sigh, staring up to the clouded November sky. He couldn't get the image of Harry and Mike out of his mind. It was like it was burned into his eyes to taunt him. He reached for his pocket and pulled out a pack of Muggle cigarettes. Lighting one, he inhaled deeply, blowing the smoke out slowly. He had envisioned his reunion with Potter to be different than this. He'd imagined making love to the man for an entire night, to make up for those lonely six weeks of not seeing each other. He found his lover in someone else's arms instead.

Had he pushed him away too much? He knew he hadn't been exactly nice to Potter when they were separating briefly until Harry could move into Grimmould Place and away from those Muggles. In fact, he had acted downright cold to the man. Draco knew that Potter knew that it was a defense mechanism of sorts that he used (though he would never admit to that).

Maybe he had driven Potter too far away, right into the arms of another man. Maybe that was what Potter needed; a man who wore his heart on his sleeve like Potter did. A man who wasn't afraid to show what he felt. A man who didn't have so much emotional baggage. Someone like Mike.

Feeling sick to his stomach, Draco marched back inside, cigarette in his mouth and tapped Dumbledore's back. "I'll be Apparating home. I don't believe Potter needs me," he added bitterly.

Dumbledore nodded, sadness showing in his blue eyes. "Go home, my boy."

Draco nodded and stared at the door briefly, imagining Potter in the arms of Mike. Shuddering, he drew his wand.

"I'll floo you, ok?" Hermione said, hugging the blonde quickly. She kissed him on the cheek, worry evident in her eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid," Draco snorted, taking a drag from his cigarette.

Even Weasley looked at him with sympathy and gently patted his back. "You don't deserve this, mate."

Draco frowned and shrugged. "Fate can be a bitch sometimes."

Nymphadora hugged him as well, almost tripping over Dumbledore's foot, but she remained standing. "Don't do anything illegal, cousin."

"I won't," Draco murmured and Apparated away.

The day went on slowly for Draco. He had taken a bath when he'd gotten home, smoking a cigarette as he did. He thought the entire situation over. Granted, they had been together for over a year and a half, but Potter never made any indication that he was unhappy or that he wasn't interested in Draco anymore.

What had changed?

Draco frowned. Maybe Potter was through with Draco's attitude. The man had told Draco often enough not to be so damn cold to him, but did Draco listen? He sighed, taking a drag from the cigarette. He took the plug out of the bath and watched the water drain away, leaving his body naked and cold.

When he had dressed himself and went into the living room, Hermione was waiting patiently on the couch. Draco sat down opposite her and had a house-elf bring some drinks.

"How have you been?"

"These past eight hours?" Draco asked. "Just peachy."

Hermione smiled gently at him and took the offered glass of Firewhiskey. "I can't believe he cheated on you."

"Yes, it came as right surprise from the Savior," Draco snorted, lighting up a cigarette. "I've been thinking about it. Maybe he needs someone who's more compatible. Someone who can attend to his needs better. What do you think?"

"You don't think that it's because of you, right?" Hermione asked, with her eyebrows raised.

"Well, of course I do," Draco replied nonchalantly. "Why else would he cheat on me? It makes me wonder … What if he'd been cheating on me behind my back all this time? I mean, he disappeared often enough."

Hermione sighed. "You know that's not true. If he'd been cheating on you all this time, then you would've noticed something."

"You're right, I would," Draco nodded. "A Muggle," he added with a laugh. "I hope for him that he was good."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Why can't you just admit that you're hurt by this?"

"Do I really need to admit that?" Draco looked at her. The pain was evident in his eyes. "I just don't understand it. We had been apart for six weeks, he gets admitted to that ridiculous place and I find him in bed, naked with some Muggle by the common name of Mike."

"When you left, Harry came out of the room asking where you were," Hermione said. "He looked downright miserable."

"Good," the blonde aristocrat said.

"We tried talking to him, but he couldn't stop crying. I think he truly feels awful about what he's done."

"Even better," Draco drawled. "If he regretted it so much, he should've thought with his brain instead of his dick before Mike fucked him. I thought we had a stable relationship, but obviously I misunderstood."

"Draco," Hermione sighed. "Harry told us that you ended it. You're not giving him a second chance?"

Draco stared at her, silently wondering if she was out of her mind. "No, I'm not giving him a second chance. One of the first things he told me when he went after me was that loyalty was big on his list. Where's his fucking loyalty now?"

Hermione bit her lip and looked down.

"You know I'm right, Granger," Draco said. "I can't give him another chance, not when he's had sex with someone else. How do I know he won't cheat on me again? A relationship is about trust with your significant other, and he went too far."

*

Harry lay in bed, sighing loudly to himself. Ron had stayed with him to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, while Hermione had flooed over to Draco's place.

When he thought about Mike entering him, tears filled his puffy eyes again. "I'm sorry, Draco," he sobbed.

Ron sighed, rubbing Harry's shoulder gently. "Mate, you need to get out of bed. You've been cooped up in this room for a week now."

Harry hiccupped, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt. "I don't want to get out of bed. Why am I so stupid, Ron?"

Ron sighed again. "I don't know. Why did you sleep with that Muggle? Wasn't Malfoy enough anymore?"

Harry let out a sob. "I don't know why I slept with Mike. When I arrived there, the guys had welcomed me, we made fun of the institute and I don't know. Mike told me he was attracted to me, and I have to admit that I found him attractive as well."

"And one thing led to another," Ron sighed. "Didn't you think about Draco at all? How he would react if he found out? Merlin, he walked in on you two lying in bed naked! Hermione's been at his house almost every day and she comes home with a sad expression on her face."

Harry bit his lip as fresh tears coursed down his cheeks. "It was so stupid of me. I regret it more than anything, please believe me Ron. I truly regret it. I know Draco won't forgive me for this."

"You're right, he won't," Ron said, watching his friend with pity.

"Can you please leave me alone for a while, Ron? Go home to Hermione," Harry said softly, lying back against his pillow. When he had gotten home from St. Brutus', he had jumped into the shower at Grimmould Place, thoroughly scrubbing his body as if wanting to wash Mike's touch away. He had rubbed his entrance so hard that it started to bleed. He had started to sob again when he realized that Mike hadn't used a condom, meaning that the man had come inside him. The only man he had been with was Draco, and he always let Draco come inside him. Now he just felt dirtier because he had allowed Mike to do the same.

Harry hid under the covers, feeling more ashamed than anything. He was lacking sleep, food and apparently loyalty as well. He hadn't seen Hermione either and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. She had looked at him with so much disappointment that Harry just wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it. The look on Draco's face made him break down each time.

Eventually he managed to fall asleep, his head buried under the covers. He dreamt about his night with Mike again. Mike was entering him gently, while Harry threw his head back letting out a loud moan. Then all of a sudden Draco walked into the room, eyes full of betrayal, hurt and anger.

Harry shot up in bed, panting harshly. He cried again, sobbing his heart out. "Draco!" he sobbed. "I'm so sorry! Please … forgive me," he cried.

*

Draco sighed. It had been two months since Harry's betrayal and the break up. Hermione visited him every day, forcing food down his throat and getting him out of the house. He knew that Weasley was with Harry, but he didn't want to hear about him. Draco was determined to forget about Harry, even though he couldn't erase what he had seen. How Harry lay against the Muggle, wrapped in strong arms.

Draco never cuddled with Harry, not even after they'd had sex. Harry would lie close to him with one arm wrapped around his chest, but Draco never put his arms around Harry.

The fireplace burst into green flames just as Draco lit a cigarette. He sighed when Ron Weasley stepped out.

"Malfoy," he nodded.

"Weasley," Draco nodded back. "What are you doing here?"

Ron swallowed. He had been the last to accept Harry's relationship with the blonde Slytherin. He'd eventually gotten over the grudge and looked at the blonde in a new light when he realized how happy Harry was.

"Harry isn't doing so well."

Draco's eyes widened slightly, staring at the red-head, before he scowled and took a long drag. "So?"

"So? Malfoy, he won't come out of his room. He rarely sleeps or eats. He looks like a fucking corpse," Ron snapped.

"He's not my responsibility anymore. Try contacting that Mike fellow," Draco said, casually sipping from his Firewhiskey.

"Damn it, Malfoy! He keeps asking for you! He wonders where Hermione is, but she doesn't want to see him. He wakes up crying and sobbing for you to forgive him! He's a downright wreck."

"It's what he deserves for what he did," Draco said stubbornly, though fear went through his body.

"Malfoy," Ron sighed, taking a deep breath. "I get that you're hurt, I understand that. I try to get Harry to eat, to get him to put on clean clothes, to get him to shower … He's neglecting himself. He's lost a lot of weight, and he can barely stand on his own without falling."

"I'm not falling for this shit," Draco snapped. "Potter cheated on me! He fucked someone else, Weasley! Do you know how that feels? Do you know how I felt when I walked into that room and found my lover naked next to another bloke?" he said, voice dropping considerably. "Do you know how much it hurt seeing him like that? So excuse me for not being very sympathetic right now."

Ron sighed and nodded. "I'll tell him." He flooed back to Grimmould Place, leaving Draco to stare after him.

"_He looks like a fucking corpse."_

"_He wakes up crying and sobbing for you to forgive him!"_

Draco sighed, staring out of the window. He hadn't been feeling all too well either, but apparently he was coping better than his ex-lover did. He shuddered. It sounded strange to think of Harry as an ex-boyfriend.

*

Ron approached Harry slowly, swallowing thickly. "Harry?"

"Draco?" Harry said blearily.

"No, it's me mate, Ron. You need to get out of bed and eat something, you look about ready to drop," he said, eyes going wide.

Harry stared at the ceiling, not feeling very aware of his surroundings. "Did you speak with him?" His lips felt as dry as paper and his throat wasn't doing well either. He had refused to drink for two days now. If he refused longer, he would die. He had been thinking about death lately. He wasn't suicidal or anything, but he couldn't forgive himself for what he had done. And it seemed that Draco couldn't forgive him either. He would rather die than live with the knowledge he had hurt Draco like that.

"Yeah, I spoke with him," Ron said, starting to pull on the sleeves of his shirt nervously. "He said I should try contacting Mike."

Harry's eyes filled with tears, making it impossible to see the ceiling anymore.

"He doesn't want to hear it," Ron sighed. "I'm sorry."

He didn't make any sounds, but the tears were rolling down, soaking into the pillow. _He doesn't want to hear it, _Harry thought, starting to tremble. _Doesn't he care about me anymore?_

Thinking about Mike made him cry harder. Soon, Ron was sitting on the bed, holding the unhealthy thin form of his best friend against his chest. "You have to get a hold of yourself, Harry. You can't let yourself waste away like this."

After Harry had attempted to eat a slice of bread and drunk a glass of water, Ron had reluctantly left Harry alone. The raven-haired man wobbled over to the bathroom, taking a look at himself for the first time in over three weeks. He frowned at himself, not recognizing his face. He had dark circles around his eyes and his eyes were red and puffy and they looked sunken in. He looked like a real wreck.

Harry made himself take a quick shower before he dropped into bed again, after having stared at a razor for five minutes. If he would commit suicide, he wouldn't use a razor. _Too messy,_ he thought.

He wondered if the Avada Kedavra curse worked if he cast it on himself. But then he realized that he didn't even know where his wand was. He sighed deeply, craving for the blonde's touch and knowing he would probably never experience it again.

That thought alone made his eyes tear up again. He wanted Draco so much that it hurt. _And I betrayed him, _Harry thought miserably. Suddenly he let out a surprised squeak at the sight of Hermione standing in the doorway, though with a grim expression on her face.

"Hermione …"

"Harry," she said, eyes widening when she saw his condition.

"Where were you?" Harry asked in a small voice, sniffling pitifully.

"I was with Draco, and I didn't think I should see you," Hermione said, pulling over a chair and put it next to the bed.

Harry nodded slowly in understanding, head lowering in shame. "How is he doing?"

"Smoking like a chimney, but doing better than you, which is to be expected I think if you truly cared about him." She folded her arms, staring at him.

"You don't know how much I regret it, Hermione," Harry said, tears coursing down his cheeks again. "I miss him so much."

"Who, Draco or Mike?"

The coldness in her voice made him sob all over again. "Draco! How can you think that I―If I didn't care about Draco, would I look like this then?"

Hermione seemed to take pity on her friend and softened her expression. "He won't give you a second chance. You know that right?"

Harry nodded miserably. "I guess I deserve that. After betraying him like that … I love him Hermione, I love him so much."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Once," Harry nodded. "He didn't say it back, but he doesn't need to. I figured that if he loved me too he'd tell me when he would be ready."

Hermione nodded. "Why, Harry? Why did you sleep with that guy?"

"I guess it sort of happened in the heat of the moment," Harry mumbled, staring at the sheets in front of him. "He would always stare at me longer, hang around me more and then he said he was attracted to me. I told him I had a boyfriend whom I felt very strongly for," he went on. "And then one night I stopped resisting and let him take me. I was so stupid! I should've pushed him away, should've thought about Draco and now I've lost the man I love most."

Hermione sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around the sobbing man. "It was stupid of you, Harry. Though Draco might never forgive you, you're not doing anyone a favor by neglecting yourself. When was the last time you ate a normal meal?"

"A month ago? Maybe more? I don't know," Harry mumbled, shrugging slightly. "I don't even know what today's date is."

Hermione sighed. "I didn't visit you because I was angry with you. I saw the look on Draco's face when he saw you two together and I could practically hear his heart breaking, Harry. Although he didn't say it or show it, he was downright devastated."

Harry sobbed harder into Hermione's chest. "I'm such a fool," he cried.

"Yes you are," a voice said.

Hermione turned towards the door, revealing Draco smoking a cigarette. She sighed, and let go of Harry, who curled up on his side, pulling the covers over his head. He couldn't face Draco, not after what he'd done to him.

"Go home, Granger," Draco said, staring at Harry's covered form. Hermione nodded and left the two men alone. He approached the bed slowly, feeling his heart clench when he heard Harry cry. Hardening his expression, he yanked the sheet back and looked at the pathetic form of his once lover. The man looked even worse than how Weasley described him, and that alone had made Draco fear for Harry's health.

Harry was incredibly underweight, his eyes were red and puffy as if he'd been crying every day (which he probably had, Draco realized) and there were dark circles surrounding his eyes. His arms and wrists had gotten extremely thin and his hair was a wild mess like always. The green sparkling eyes he once possessed were filled with self-loathing and hurt.

"Draco …" Harry sobbed, reaching out to the blonde. He cried harder when Draco dodged his hand, stepping aside with a cold expression on his face. "I'm so sorry, Draco," he sobbed, pulling his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them and started to rock forward. "I'm sorry, please forgive me, Draco. Forgive me, please."

Draco heart almost shattered right then. Instead, he folded his arms over his chest, taking a casual drag from the cigarette. "You hurt me."

"I know," Harry cried, burying his face in his knees.

"I won't forgive you for what you did," Draco said, jaw clenching as he saw Harry nod, as if he'd expected that.

Harry looked up. "I know," he whispered brokenly.

"And I don't think there's a future for us together."

"What?" Harry's breath hitched.

Draco looked past the hurt he saw in those green eyes and glared at the man. "I don't trust you anymore, Potter. We had only been apart for six weeks. I'm beginning to wonder if what you felt for me was actually true."

"How can you say that?" Harry gaped, wiping his tears away angrily. "I love you, damn it!"

"Then why did you sleep with the Muggle, Harry?" Draco asked, unable to hide the hurt anymore.

The use of his first name caused Harry to fall apart again. Draco had only called him by his first name once or twice, and he could clearly see the hurt in those alluring grey eyes. "It just happened," he whispered.

"Something like that doesn't just happen!" Draco snapped. "Wasn't I good enough for you anymore? Is that it? Didn't I satisfy your needs well enough? What made you sleep with him?" he demanded.

Harry lowered his eyes, sniffing miserably. "He made me feel wanted, loved," he mumbled quietly. "Told me he desired me, that I was attractive."

The answer made Draco feel as if he'd been dumped in ice cold water. He stared at Harry for a few minutes before letting out a strangled chuckle. "So I didn't satisfy your needs well enough. Didn't make you feel like I wanted you."

"You never told me what you felt for me," Harry said softly. "At times I felt quite insecure, wondering if you even wanted me."

"Don't turn yourself into a victim now, Potter," Draco scowled.

"I'm not," Harry said, looking into Draco's eyes. "I'm telling you how I feel. I know nothing I say will make things better but …" He shrugged slightly.

"I already told Granger that maybe what you needed was someone more compatible," Draco said, taking a drag from his nearly forgotten cigarette. "And maybe that someone is Mike, I don't know. But I do know that I'm not the man for you, Potter. I can't offer you what you want. You know I'm rubbish at emotions and relationships."

"Please, don't say that Draco," Harry choked out. "I didn't fall in love with you because you don't express your emotions towards others, but I fell in love with you for you. For the person you are."

"Apparently that wasn't enough," Draco said. "You will get over it and find someone else."

"No, Draco, please," Harry cried, grabbing the blonde's hand. "Please don't!"

"Potter, can't you see that this is getting us nowhere? And what do we have in common besides Quidditch? Look at Weasley and Granger. Those two are perfect for each other," he said. "We are not." Draco yanked his hand back, wanting to turn around at the sight of Potter's face.

"How can you say that we have nothing in common? Draco, I love you. I love you so much that kills me that I've hurt you like this."

"Don't say that you love me after you've cheated on me," Draco hissed.

Harry nodded, feeling the shame wash over him. He felt his body starting to tremble and his hands started shaking. Suddenly he felt incredibly dizzy. He reached up for his head, eyes closing slightly. "I'm so sorry," he whispered brokenly before he collapsed, falling out of the bed.

*

Draco sighed as he made himself some tea in Potter's kitchen. The raven-haired man had collapsed and Draco had just put him back into bed. The sight of his lover looking so fragile and weak had Draco worried, even though he put up a Malfoy façade.

Apparently Granger hadn't gone home like he instructed. Instead, she and her boyfriend were sitting on the sofa in the living room. Draco joined the duo and dropped onto the sofa opposite from them. "He collapsed."

"What?" Hermione shot up from her position on the couch.

"I told him that I don't think there's a future for us, that he should find someone else. He didn't take that too well," he said dryly.

"I'd imagine he wouldn't," Hermione said. "It's really over between you two? There's absolutely nothing that can fix this?"

Draco shook his head slowly. "How can I trust him again? What if we'd be apart for three months and he sleeps his way through a horde of men and I find out about it? I don't think I could handle that again."

Ron bit his lip. "But … If he didn't feel anything for you anymore, then it would've been different, well, not for you, but he still loves you."

"Does he really? Does he love me that little to decide to sleep with some random guy he barely knows?" Draco countered.

Suddenly they heard a loud crash. Draco frowned and then shot up the stairs and into Harry's bedroom. The man wasn't in his bed. Draco looked around, finding the bathroom door slightly ajar. Slamming the door open, Draco wasn't prepared for what he saw. Harry lay on the floor, wrists slit. The mirror was shattered in pieces and Draco noticed the bloody hand.

"Fuck, Potter!" Draco shouted and quickly drew his wand. Hermione and Ron joined him in no time, gasping in shock as they saw him.

Draco quickly muttered a spell to stop the blood flow and cast a healing charm. Harry had lost a lot of blood, it lay pooled to his sides and the man was looking very pale. "Fuck you," Draco snarled. "Granger, go to the Manor and retrieve five Blood Replenishing potions."

Hermione nodded and went to the nearest fireplace and flooed to Malfoy Manor.

He started shaking him, trying to get him to wake up. When he failed, he lifted the man up from the floor. He carried him to his bedroom and gently put him in bed. He cast a diagnostic spell on the man and concluded that he needed about the amount of Blood Replenishing potions as he had ordered Granger to get.

"Damn, you Potter, you selfish prick," Draco growled, clenching his fists.

Ron returned from the bathroom. "I cleaned up the blood. He did it with a Muggle razor."

Draco sighed, his heart constricting at the lifeless form of Harry. Within minutes, Hermione arrived with the potions. "He's unconscious," he told her.

"He needs to be awake for me to give them," Hermione said worried. "If he stays unconscious, he could die with the amount of blood he's lost."

"Fuck," Draco whispered and started shaking Harry. "Wake up!" When he got no reaction, he slapped Harry's cheeks, trying to get the man to respond. He cast Renervate on the man, sighing with relief when he woke up.

Hermione immediately went over to him and forced the first potion down his throat, massaging it to make Harry swallow. Harry started struggling and eventually Hermione put a full body bind spell on him to make him lie still.

After all five potions were poured down Harry's throat, Hermione lift the body bind spell and sat back. Harry coughed a little, but at least he was alive.

"Why did you do it?" Draco screamed, grabbing Harry by the collar of his pajama top. "You selfish fucking asshole!" He started punching the other man, feeling nothing but rage.

"Draco! Calm down!" Hermione shrieked, trying to pull Draco off of Harry.

It cost both Ron and Hermione to get Draco off of Harry. Draco was panting slightly, watching the blood dribble down Harry's mouth.

Harry stared wordlessly at the ceiling, not even reacting when Draco started to beat the shit out of him. He felt blood trickling down his chin but didn't react.

"Can you please leave me alone with him for a while?" Draco demanded.

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked.

"Yes. Leave."

Hermione flinched at the cold tone, but moved out of the room, Ron following in tow.

Draco approached Harry slowly. "Look at me," he ordered. He clenched his jaw when Harry stared at him with a dead look in his eyes. "Why did you do it?"

"Because I wanted to," Harry said. "I want to stop hurting those I love. They either get hurt or get killed, Draco. Look how I've hurt you," he croaked out.

Draco sighed, moved to sit on the bed and pulled the man against his chest. "Never do that to me again. Do you hear me?" he snarled. Draco pulled back and stared into Harry's eyes, seeing nothing but sadness, and self-loathing. He cupped Harry's cheek, stroking it gently. "Never do that to me again," he whispered this time. To his embarrassment, his eyes started to fill with tears.

Harry must've noticed, because he let out a sob and buried his face in Draco's chest. "I'm so sorry, Draco. God, I'm sorry! I love you so much. I'm so sorry," he sobbed, clinging onto the blonde like a lifeline.

"I know, baby," Draco sighed, kissing Harry's temple.

Draco ended up lying in bed with Harry in his arms. Harry was still crying, though not as much as he did before. Draco was stroking the man's hair gently, holding him tightly.

"I regret it so much, Draco," Harry said. "Please, you have to believe me. I love you so much."

Draco looked down at those pleading eyes and pressed a kiss to Harry's dry lips. "First, we're going to clean you up and get you something to eat and then we're going to have a long talk."

Harry nodded and let himself be helped into the bathroom. He noticed that the razor was missing. He figured Ron must've taken it away. Draco helped him undress, though to Harry's embarrassment, he started to feel aroused. There was nothing sexual about Draco undressing him, but Harry had missed the blonde's touch.

Draco ignored Harry's half hard cock and helped him into the shower. He knew how often he'd been with Harry in the shower (usually to have sex) but this time, Draco would take care of the man. He undressed himself and got under the shower, taking a bottle of soap to wash Harry's hair.

Harry sighed at the warm feel of the water. He moaned when he felt Draco's hands in his hair, massaging his scalp lightly. He leaned into the blonde, steadying himself to keep standing. When Draco washed his body, he couldn't help the small groan when Draco brushed against his swelling cock.

Draco again ignored the rapidly filling cock of his ex-lover. He bit his lip to keep himself from getting aroused from the sight, but managed. After he'd dried Harry and got him into a clean set of pajamas, he took the raven-haired man downstairs to the kitchen. He had Kreacher the house-elf make Harry some lunch, and sat the man down, watching him eat.

Harry tried to force the delicious food down his throat, moaning pitifully when he couldn't swallow the bite he had taken. He had barely eaten two slices of bread.

"That's alright," Draco said. "You should take it easy, since your stomach has accustomed to little food," he sighed. "Now," Draco cleared his throat, "know that I haven't forgiven you, Potter. It will take some time for me to trust you again. I think it's better for the two of us if we didn't see each other for a little while."

Harry looked up at Draco, mouth having slightly opened.

"I need time to deal with it and you need time to get your health back. We both need time to heal and your friends will help us through that. I will contact you when I feel ready to see you. Until that time, I don't want you to contact me."

Harry nodded silently, staring down at the floor. At least Draco was giving him another chance and this time, he would not screw it up.


	2. Chapter 2

When Draco said he didn't want to see his ex for a little while, he wasn't kidding. Draco sighed, lit a cigarette and took a long drag. He would have to talk with Granger again to get his mind sorted out. Salazar knew he couldn't do it alone. He had since long gotten over the fact that Granger was actually pretty decent company and that she was a good listener when she wanted to be. He realized that when he had swallowed some of his Malfoy pride.

So he had flooed Granger. The muggleborn witch sat on Draco's couch, sipping a Butterbeer. Draco never thought of Granger as the alcohol consuming type, but he supposed she needed it. He took a sip from his Firewhiskey himself and cleared his throat to get Granger's attention. "Granger, thank you for coming on such short notice."

Hermione rolled her eyes at him. "Stop with the formality already. What's going on? You talked to him?"

"Yes I did," Draco replied. "I told him we both needed time to heal and that I don't want him to contact me until I feel ready to see him."

"You're giving him a second chance?" Hermione's eyes widened considerably.

"I do," Draco nodded. "It doesn't mean that I've forgiven him, because I don't know if I'll be able to. And that's where you come in. You need to help me out."

Hermione nodded, though with a frown. "Ok, um … I'd never thought I'd see the day that pureblood Draco Malfoy would resort to asking a Muggleborn like me for help," she snickered.

"Yes, very funny," Draco said irritably. "I need you to help me figure out what I want. And why in Merlin's name I'm giving that cheater a second chance."

"Maybe it's because you _love_ him?"

"What?" Draco spluttered. "Where did you get that insane idea? A Malfoy doesn't―"

"―love, they acknowledge and tolerate others, because loving them is below their standards and because Malfoys are a part of the elite society," Hermione filled in. "Yeah, I've heard that one. Now Malfoy business aside, Draco, how do you feel about Harry?"

Draco rubbed his eyes, feeling his body tense. "You know I won't answer," he gritted out, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. "That's not what this is about. I told you I need your help."

"And I will provide it for you," Hermione said. "You told him you both needed time to heal and won't see him until you feel ready to?"

"Yes," Draco nodded. "And I think my brain is seriously messed up."

"Well, after seeing him attempt to commit suicide, I would imagine that your brain would be messed up. But, maybe you should've waited with speaking with him."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Hermione said, "and don't take this the wrong way, because I've always supported your relationship, but … Don't you think that Harry might think that it only took him an attempted suicide to get you to give him a second chance? Don't you think that Harry might've planned this?"

Draco felt himself go paler by the second, which was quite a feat given his already natural pale skin. Of course he hadn't thought about that. His mind was too foggy for him to remember everything clearly. Or maybe it was the smoke from the dozen cigarettes he had lit. "You think he would do something like that?"

"We didn't think he'd cheat on you either, right? Well, he did," Hermione replied smoothly before she sighed. "Look, I love Harry, and I care for him very much, but you have to face the facts and the truth. Harry cheated on you by _having sex_ with another guy."

"I know that," Draco snapped, taking a long drag from his cigarette. "Do you think I'd forget that? I'll never be able to forget that, Granger. I can't erase that from my mind, unfortunately," he muttered.

"Listen, sometimes people see what they want to see and they forget the less pleasant things. You have to look at the complete picture here, Draco." She looked at him a while longer before getting up from the couch. "Well, I'll leave you to yourself, since you have some thinking to do. I'll see you tomorrow."

But Draco didn't hear her anymore. He didn't see the way she smiled sadly and left him alone at Malfoy Manor. _Look at the complete picture,_ Draco thought.

"Potter cheats on me," Draco murmured, rubbing his temple gently. "Potter cheats on me, we're apart for another two months and I dumbly decide to try it again after that idiot slits his wrists. He slits his wrists and he has me wound around his slit wrists again." Then he groaned. "Slit wrists, slit wrists … Fucking idiot slits his wrists, nearly bleeds to death, I punch the hell out of him and he lies there like some martyr, like some fucking masochist. 'I want to stop hurting those I love, Draco' he says. 'Look how I've hurt you'," Draco said, growing angrier with the minute. "Fucking asshole makes it sound like I've done something to him! What the fuck?" He slumped back on the couch, frustrated and irritated. He reached for the pack of cigarettes and lit another one.

He was unsure of what to do. Part of him wanted to give the man another chance, but the bigger part of himself said 'Potter can go fuck himself'.

Draco sighed again. He couldn't wait until Granger would visit him again.

*

Harry sighed loudly while staring up at the ceiling. Ron had just left after having a long talk with him. His best friend had questioned Harry about his feelings towards the blonde, asking Harry if he was sure that he still felt as strong for Draco. Harry had snapped at him and told Ron that he loved Draco with his entire being.

"I love Draco," Harry said to himself. He would do anything to make it up to the blonde man, even if it meant waiting for him for all of eternity. He still felt horribly ashamed of cheating on Draco, and tried to forget Mike's lingering touch. The dreams about Mike went away after a while, and instead, he forced himself to remember the happier times he had spent with Draco.

Harry remembered how Draco would sometimes surprise him by taking him out to a nice restaurant, even if the blonde didn't want to admit to such a romantic gesture.

"_We're going out, now! Move it, Potter! We have reservations at seven and Merlin help me if you aren't ready by then I'll be going there alone!"_

Harry smiled at the memory. No matter how cold Draco's voice was, Harry knew he didn't really mean it. The blonde had warmed up to him after a while, and Harry found that the blonde was merely subtle in expressing his emotions. And eventually he understood the blonde perfectly and knew how to interpret his moods.

He had learned to live with Draco's snarky personality and had understood why the blonde was the way he was. Harry knew that he didn't want to lose the blonde man he had come to love. He vowed to himself to do everything to make it up to him. Even when Mike suddenly appeared on his doorstep.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Harry stammered, after recovering slightly from his shock at seeing the older man for the first time in months.

"I was wondering how you were doing," Mike muttered. "I found out where you lived and decided to check up on you. Can I come in?"

"Um, sure." Harry opened the door enough for Mike to slip in. He led the man to the living room, having him facing away from the fire-place. Merlin knew how the Muggle would react if someone flooed in and he didn't want to Obliviate the man. "So, er, how did you find out where I live?"

"Oh, I asked one of the shrinks at the institute where you lived, claiming I wanted some advice from you about living life the straight way," Mike snickered. "And she believed it, smiling dumbly at me while giving your address. Well, she was blonde, didn't expect anything less."

"Not all blondes are dumb," Harry murmured, his mind straying to his blonde ex-lover, who was far from dumb.

"That's true I guess," Mike shrugged. "So, how are you doing? Have you spoken to your boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend," Harry muttered, swallowing the lump in his throat. "He told me that we needed time to heal and that he doesn't want to see me until he feels ready to."

Mike nodded slowly. "That's good. That you're trying again, I mean. God knows I felt awful about ruining your relationship."

"It wasn't just you," Harry said. "I shouldn't have allowed it in the first place. If I had used my brains, then it would have never happened."

"At least I know that I'm truly an incurable homosexual," Mike snickered. "I never saw the point of being at that institute anyway, if it weren't for my parents …"

Harry smiled slightly. "Mike, you have to know that I regret sleeping with you that night. I didn't mean for it to happen and God knows I didn't want Draco to see me like that."

Much to Harry's surprise, Mike nodded. "I know. I figured that much when you were asleep while you said your boyfriend's name and the look on your face when you woke up told me immediately that we just made the biggest mistake of our lives."

Harry nodded slowly, staring down at the floor. "I hope he still wants to take me back after all this," he muttered. "Draco can be incredibly stubborn, but I wouldn't have been surprised if Draco told me to shove it."

Again, Mike nodded. "He does seem like the type who doesn't forgive and forget easily."

Harry nodded in agreement and sighed deeply.

*

The following day, Draco was beside himself, waiting anxiously for Granger to drop by the Manor. Embarrassingly enough, he felt the urge to hug her when she did drop by the Manor. Luckily, he refrained himself from doing such an un-Malfoy-ish thing. He did offer her a Butterbeer, taking a glass of Firewhiskey himself.

"So I take it you've done some thinking?" Granger asked.

"Yes. I did. And I still didn't really get anywhere," Draco sighed. "I've thought about everything, but in reality I just want to forget it."

"It's too painful," Granger nodded. "But you gave Harry a second chance for a reason, didn't you? It's obvious that you care a great deal about him."

Draco shifted uncomfortably on the couch but said nothing.

"You said a while ago that you thought that Harry might need someone more compatible."

"I do," Draco nodded. "I still think so. I mean, I obviously can't fulfill his needs with what he's done. If Potter really loved me, he wouldn't have given himself to another man that quickly. But then again, he told me over and over that he regretted it so much."

"Plus, he loves you, he really does," Hermione added, watching Draco sympathetically.

"I'm wondering if maybe I made a mistake by giving it another try. It hurt when I found him with that Muggle, Granger," he said with a grimace. "I certainly don't see myself having sex with Potter again after he cheated on me, in fact, I don't even want to see him right now."

"And that's understandable. You need to give yourself time to cope with everything that's happened."

"Say Granger, do _you_ think Potter needs someone who's better for him? I mean, be honest, you did not like the fact that Potter was in a relationship with me," he smirked, thoroughly enjoying Granger's rapidly coloring face.

"I-it was different then," she stammered. "Oh, stop smirking already, Draco. I may not have liked it in the beginning, but I always accepted it. As for your question, I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I know that you're not at fault here, Draco, and don't you dare thinking otherwise."

Draco held his hands up in mock surrender. "I wouldn't even dare, your Royal Highness," he said mockingly. "I did tell him that I thought we weren't right for each other. And maybe we aren't. Maybe he needs a less complicated man to be with. Or something."

"My, Draco Malfoy, did you just admit that you're a complicated man to be with?"

Draco scowled. "Don't look so surprised. I know that, alright? I know I am, and maybe Potter's decided that he's through with me."

Hermione sighed. "I can't believe that you're more worried about Harry not wanting you anymore than that you're worried about him cheating."

"I'm worried about both," Draco admitted. But he couldn't deny that he was indeed more worried about Potter not wanting him anymore, though he was loath to admit it out loud. When they first started going out, Draco had kind of treated it like a game; Potter would tire soon of Draco and move on to the next man. But he hadn't. And it had surprised him. In fact, it had surprised him at how long they'd been together. A year and a half had to be a record for him.

He heard Granger sigh again, something she seemed to be doing a lot lately. "Maybe you need to talk to him. Clear up both your minds. Maybe you can find out what you want."

"I'm not ready," Draco said.

"Maybe you'll never be, but I know that the two of you need to talk, because you won't get any answers this way."

"Maybe."

*

Draco stepped out of the fire-place. "Potter, we need to―talk." Then he stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing Potter with the Muggle from the institute.

"Draco," Harry said, eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree upon seeing the blonde.

Draco nodded curtly, feeling his anger grow upon seeing the man his ex had cheated with. "So what's your one-nighter doing here?" he asked casually.

"Draco!" Harry hissed.

Mike chuckled softly and shook his head, turning to look at Draco, who was trying to keep his temper under control. "I was merely wondering how he was doing after he'd left the institute so suddenly."

Draco snorted. "Well, I am slightly surprised to find you both with your clothes on."

"Draco," Harry gaped. "Do you have to be so rude?"

"You tell me, Potter," Draco glared. "What the hell is he doing here? Decided to have a repeat from a few months ago?"

"No! I wouldn't do that to you! Not again," Harry added quietly. "He really only asked how I was and never implied that he was here for a different reason whatsoever. I swear."

"Lately, I'm not taking your word for anything, Potter," Draco said bitterly.

Harry sighed and his posture slumped, leaving him staring at the floor.

Mike cleared his throat. "I'm going to go, since you obviously have some talking to do. By the way, how'd you get in?"

"I have my ways," Draco replied haughtily, staring the slightly smaller man down, daring the Muggle to question him.

Mike nodded and went for the front door, closing it quietly as he left.

Harry looked up at Draco, knowing he was seething inside. "Will you please sit down?"

Draco flung himself on the couch and folded his arms across his chest, waiting for whatever Harry wanted to say to him.

"Mike came here, unexpected, and asked me how I was doing. That's all," Harry said slowly. "I invited him in and we started talking. I told him that he needed to know that I regret the night I slept with him and he understands. He told me he figured as much when I woke up that morning, that's all."

"First off, what you get up to with that Muggle isn't exactly my business anymore is it?" Draco hissed. "I only came here to talk, not because I was 'desperate' to see you," he scoffed, as if the mere thought sickened him.

Harry knew that Draco wasn't finished being rude, but somewhere in the back of his head, he knew the deserved every nasty word the powerful aristocrat hurled at him. "Then talk to me, Draco," he said softly.

Draco snarled and clenched his fists angrily. "You're being awfully calm about everything, you know that? I've been frantic these past few months, trying to get my life back on track, trying to get my mind sorted out and all I want is to give you another chance, but I _can't_."

"I just can't throw my heart out there again to let it get ripped apart later. Because that's what you did, Potter," Draco snarled. "You took my heart and ripped it to shreds and gave it back to me. I can't do it again."

"Draco," Harry said, feeling panic surge through his body as he got up stiffly and approached the blonde. "Please let me make it up to you. Let me prove to you that I am worthy of you, please."

Draco got up from the couch, almost pushing the raven-haired man away when he invaded his personal space. "You can't make it up to me, Potter. Seeing you with that Muggle tonight was the final straw."

"No, please, Draco." Harry gripped Draco by his shoulders, trying to get him to look at him properly. "Please, just let me prove it. Please, Draco. Please. I love you, please let me make it right again." He cupped Draco's cheek and kissed him softly, feeling butterflies swarming around in his stomach when he felt those lips kiss him back.

Then Draco pulled away with a scowl. "Don't make this any harder," he gritted out. "You say you want to make it right, but I don't know how to trust you again. I don't know whether or not you'll slip up again. I can't get my heart stamped on again, Potter."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Harry whispered, feeling tears sting in his eyes.

Draco put his hands on Harry's shoulders and squeezed them gently. "I don't think this is good for either of us. We both need something we can't provide for each other."

"But can't we at least try?" Harry hated the fact that his voice was breaking, but he didn't care.

"We've tried for over a year and a half and then it went wrong," Draco said, staring down in Harry's green teary eyes.

Harry felt his lower lip tremble. "Don't leave me, Draco," he pleaded. "I need to make it up to you, please! I need you to how you how much you mean to me and how much I love you. Draco, please."

"I don't want to get hurt again," Draco said, shaking his head. "You can't imagine how hurt I felt when I walked in on you and that Muggle. And you were only admitted there for two weeks. I thought I knew you," he said. "But I had no idea you could give yourself to a Muggle you've known for two weeks so easily. And you claim that you love me."

"I do! Draco, believe me, if I could go back in time and change it, I would," Harry said. He didn't care that he was starting to cry, all that mattered was Draco.

"Potter, I don't even know you anymore. Frankly, I'm wondering if I ever really knew you."

Harry let out a sob. "You said that we needed time. I thought you wanted to try, Draco. Please, just let me try. I'm not perfect you know! Everyone screws up sometimes!"

"Of course they do!" Draco yelled back. "But they don't let someone fuck them, Potter! You were in a relationship and you let that asshole take you! Didn't you think about me while you were getting fucked by him?" He shoved Harry away from him, barely refraining himself from punching the other man. "How could you hurt me like that!"

"I'm sorry!" Harry sobbed. "I regret it so much that I attempted suicide Draco! I feel miserable about what I've done! You have got to believe me!"

Draco breathed harshly through his nose as he attempted to calm himself down. "I know you regret it," he said, though much quieter. "You have to understand that I find it incredibly hard to forgive you for it. What did I do to you to deserve it? I thought you were happy, Harry. I thought you felt something for me after I agreed trying this relationship thing with you. Was I wrong all this time?"

"No, you weren't, Draco," Harry sniffed, trying to approach Draco once more, swallowing thickly when Draco wouldn't let him. "God, you weren't wrong. Please believe me when I tell that I love you. I wouldn't feel this miserable if my feelings for you weren't real."

"I know you're feeling miserable, I can see it," Draco said. "And I'm miserable too, but don't you think that if we try to patch things up that we'll only make each other miserable?" He sat down on the couch, watching Harry do the same, while he was crying silently, staring at his lap. "I …" Draco took a deep breath and looked Harry in the eyes. "I―I want to be with you, but I just … I can't help but feel that we'll only make things worse for each other. I know that I won't be able to trust you again like before, and you'll probably feel annoyed about the fact that I can't. And I can't picture myself sleeping with you again," he added uncomfortably. "Not after that Muggle has been inside you."

Harry nodded and continued staring into his lap. "I guess I deserve that."

"I came to realize that I'm not the man you need in your life," Draco said with feigned indifference. "Suppose all this talking with Granger has helped somewhat."

"What do you mean you're not?" Harry exclaimed. "You are the one for me Draco! I can feel that with my heart. Even though you don't have the warmest personality, I never got the feeling that you weren't good for me! Even when Ron thought you had put a love spell on me, I defended you against my friends, remember? Hell, I defended you against the entire Weasley family, and against Ginny who tried to take revenge on you for supposedly stealing me away from her!"

"I know all that," Draco snapped. "The point is that this thing doesn't work, ok? It's best if we leave it at that and move on."

"B-but, I don't want to move on!" Harry protested.

"It's better for both of us, trust me," Draco said dismissively. He got off from the couch and made the wrong decision of looking back at his ex, who was crying. He felt his heart clench, but made no move to do anything about it and walked up to the fire-place.

Suddenly he was welcomed by a sobbing mess that went by the name of one Harry James Potter. Draco could vaguely make out the words 'don't leave' and 'please'. He sighed softly while pulling the man against his chest. "It's better this way," he murmured in Harry's ear.

"No, it's not!" Harry wailed. "You can't leave me, Draco!"

"It's better this way," Draco repeated and gently pushed Harry away from him. He took a handful of floo powder and flooed back to Malfoy Manor, where an anxious Hermione was waiting for him.

"How did it go?"

Draco let out a long breath he didn't know he was holding. "I ended it, for good. I told him we needed to get over it and move on."

"You did?" Hermione asked in shock.

Draco nodded and lit a much needed cigarette. "He needs something I can't give him and I won't let him be tied down to me, and if he hates me for the rest of his life because of this, then so be it."

"You only want to see him happy," Hermione murmured, walking up to Draco and hugged him. "If you think that this is what you need to do, then I'll help you get through it."

"Thanks, Granger," Draco nodded and patted her back gently. "You can let go of me now," he added uncomfortably. "If the Weasel sees us like this, he might get strange ideas in that ginger head of his."

Hermione pressed a kiss to his cheek and removed herself from Draco, which he greatly appreciated. Now he just had to find a way to forget the broken look Harry had sent him before he flooed out of Grimmould Place.

*

Harry dropped to his knees in front of the fire-place, feeling as if the bottom of his world had just dropped down on him. He felt his insides grow cold as his vision blurred with unshed tears. The love of his life just walked out of his life, he realized. And Draco wouldn't come and give him a second chance this time.

"_Seeing you with that Muggle tonight was the final straw."_

Harry bit his lip harshly to keep himself from sobbing his heart out. He had royally fucked up now. He felt the strong urge to run up to his bedroom and hide under the covers and never come out again. Ron wasn't here with him and Hermione was probably at Draco's house. Harry forced himself to get up and sit on the couch, which was more comfortable than the floor. But he didn't particularly care for that. The love of his life had officially left him.

And he had no idea how he was going to deal with that.

**fin**


	3. Epilog

Epilog

_Three years later …_

Harry walked inside the Three Broomsticks, a pub he had been to many times before, especially on the day Draco broke up with him. Hermione and Ron had spent a lot of time putting Harry back together; the man had broken down completely. Harry had never heard Draco's name ever since, but still thought about him.

_How could I not?_ Harry thought. Draco would always be the first love of his life and it would be difficult to forget the blonde man, not that he wanted to. He had resigned to the fact that Draco could not forgive him and get back together with him. He had eventually accepted that, with reluctance.

He had avoided reading the Daily Prophet just in case there was an article about anything involving the Malfoys. Harry knew Hermione still visited the blonde, but she never told him what went on at Malfoy Manor whenever she visited.

Harry had eventually gotten over it, but he would always have a special place for Draco in his heart, and he would always love the blonde. He hadn't seen Mike for three years either. It seemed the Muggle understood he had to back off, and Harry didn't think that he knew that Harry had broken up, but that was fine with him. He had decided to lay off the men for a while anyway, including the gay bars.

Ron seemed to be encouraging this and told Harry he needed to get his life back on track first. Harry figured the red-head was right and took everything at a snail pace. Though it had taken him long to get where he was at right now, at least he was a little happy.

Harry sighed as he took a seat at an empty table near the window. It had become some sort of ritual; he would always drink something at the Three Broomsticks at the end of the week. He had taken on a job as well, to keep himself occupied for the time being.

Just when Harry was sipping from his Butterbeer, the person he hadn't seen in over three years entered the pub, causing his heart to quicken.

Draco Malfoy in all his beautiful, gorgeous glory walked casually into the Three Broomsticks. The blonde man hadn't changed much, in Harry's opinion, though he definitely saw a few changes. The man had filled out even more, his hair was a little bit longer and he still looked as haughty and arrogant as ever, with his chin up in the air, cigarette in two long, pale fingers.

Harry hoped the man hadn't seen him, Merlin knew he looked like complete and utter crap. Even Ron said so. Harry frowned, when was the last time he had looked in the mirror? He had drowned himself in his job, eventually skipping meals and lacking sleep. Hermione had scolded him a dozen times, but Harry didn't listen to her anymore after a while. Harry bowed his head, in an attempt that Draco would not recognize him. But of course, Fate wasn't on his side yet again.

"Potter?"

The man's voice still managed to make Harry shudder. He slowly looked up, wishing he could just Glamour his appearance. "Draco," he said quietly.

The two stared at each other for what seemed like forever.

"Drake, I think there's still a―" the man stopped talking in mid-sentence, glancing between the two former lovers. "―table free. Am I interrupting something?"

Draco shook his head. "No, David, you aren't interrupting."

"Aren't you going to introduce us?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you know who this is," he snorted.

David sent Draco a look and reached out across Harry's table. "I'm David Brooks, Draco's boyfriend," he added with a big smile.

Harry felt his stomach drop several feet down. Draco's new boyfriend? Suddenly breathing became too difficult as he tried to grasp what the brunette had just said. _Draco's boyfriend._

"I-I'm happy for you," he said awkwardly to Draco.

Draco merely looked at him with an unreadable expression.

"Drake, come on. We should take a seat now before the table's taken," David urged, taking Draco's hand in his.

"We should catch up sometime," Draco said before he let himself get pulled along by his petite brunette boyfriend.

"_No, David, you're not interrupting."_

How long had it taken for Draco to finally call Harry by his first name? And it seemed to come easier for the blonde now then when he was in a relationship with Harry. He looked after them as they took a seat on the opposite side of the room. Harry felt like a Bludger had smashed into his stomach.

But then he scolded himself. Draco deserved to be happy, especially since all the shit he had put him through by cheating on the blonde man.

"Harry! What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Linda," Harry said with a smile. "Why, I'm here every week. Thought you knew that."

The woman giggled. "May I sit down?" At Harry's nod, she sat down. "I'm sorry to say this but you look like shit."

"Thanks, I feel like shit too," Harry commented, his eyes straying to the other side of the room, where Draco was watching him. Quickly turning back around, he focused on his friend he had met at work.

"Honey, are you alright?" Linda frowned, taking his hand in hers. "Last time I saw you, you weren't looking like this."

"Last time you saw me I was wearing a Glamour to cover this up," Harry replied smoothly. "You know how I told you about my relationship right? And how he'd broken up with me after I cheated on him? Well, I kind of had a hard time getting over it."

"Oh, sweetie. You should've said something," Linda scolded. "You have friends, and we're there for you, you know."

"I know," Harry said, squeezing the woman's hand softly. "In fact he's here right now. With his new lover." He gave a humorless chuckle. "Why does all the bad stuff happen to me? I'm not seeing his face in over three years and suddenly he steps into the Three Broomsticks."

Linda looked at him with sympathy in her eyes. "Maybe it's best if we change the subject? Speaking of, have you spoken to Hermione lately?"

Harry shook his head. "Just spoke with Ron."

"Oh, well, I wanted her to know that I've got some fabulous ideas for the wedding," she said with a smile. "You know how Molly wants to bake her own wedding cake, so we don't have to worry about that. How has Ron been? Nervous?"

"Definitely nervous, in a good way I think. I think he's just afraid," he said with a grin. "But, anyway, you've got an idea for the flowers? And the bouquet for the bride?" he added with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Linda chuckled, swatting away Harry's hand. "I've seen gorgeous flowers we can use for the bouquet. I was speaking with the florist the other day and he showed me a few beautiful samples. You know, we should arrange our own flowers for the bouquet. What do you think?"

"Yeah, though we'll have to make a list or something of the flowers we're interested in. We could hardly use ten sorts of flowers for the bouquet. Have you searched for a wedding dress yet?"

"Not yet, but there are a few gorgeous Muggle dresses," Linda said suddenly in excitement. "You should see some, they're so beautiful."

"Am I allowed to see the wedding dresses, then?" Harry said playfully when Linda took out a small book out of her purse.

"Yes, you are sir," she said, opening the book in the middle. "Look at this," she gasped. "It's pricey, but so damn gorgeous! I need to show Hermione this!"

Harry laughed at his friend, happy that she managed to take his mind off of Draco.

*

Draco did a double take when he saw the blonde woman sit down at Potter's table. He had expected a male at Potter's table, not a woman. Since when did he swing that way? Draco shrugged, turning back to his boyfriend, who was chattering happily about something or the other. He had a difficult time paying attention, especially since his ex-lover sat on the other side whom he hadn't seen in several years. He had to admit that the man looked horrible.

It had been two years ago when he met David Brooks, a young petite brunette. The man was nineteen, two years younger than Draco was, had brown hair and a beautiful shade of brown eyes. Hermione had introduced him to David, saying that she could not see him waste away any longer and that he needed a distraction.

And the distraction sat opposite from him. They had gotten quite close with each other, Draco even called the man by his first name, something he rarely did for Potter. Draco knew that David wanted to take their relationship to the next step, but Draco always put it off. He had heard David complain before, saying that he wanted Draco to make love to him, but Draco felt that he wasn't ready for that yet.

The last person Draco had sex with had been Harry, and he wanted it to remain that way, at least for a little while longer. One time they had gotten close to sleeping together, but Draco had pushed the man away.

Draco sometimes did get annoyed by David's often chipper personality, but at least now he had the feeling that he wasn't just using David as a distraction. At least he thought that way, until he saw Potter sitting nearby the window.

Seeing the other man had brought old feelings back to the surface for Draco, but at the same time he wondered whether or not the Savior of the Wizarding World resented him for the fact that Draco let him go. But he did see the hope shining in those alluring emerald eyes when Potter had looked up.

Draco almost choked on his Firewhiskey when he heard the blonde woman laugh about something and she had taken out a book of some sort, showing it to Potter. He found out that it was a book on Muggle wedding dresses. Potter was getting married? To that woman?

"Draco? Sweetie, are you ok?"

"What?" Draco blinked, seeing David look at him with concern.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes, but you spaced out. Are you alright?"

"Sure," Draco shrugged. "I'm fine," he lied. But David didn't know. Draco knew that Potter could tell whenever he was lying through his teeth. But David didn't. The blonde frowned at his glass, trying to block Potter and the blonde woman out.

Draco had forced himself to move on from Potter when he first broke up with the man. He had told Granger over and over that it was for the best and that he should let the brunette go live his own life. Even though Draco would not admit it, he missed the man.

_Maybe Potter needed a woman,_ he thought. But he had not expected it. He had expected Potter to live with a man, since Potter had told him that he fancied men when they first started going out.

"Draco."

Draco looked up into the hazel eyes of his boyfriend. "What?"

"You have been staring at that glass for over ten minutes. Is there something you want to talk about?"

"No, thank you," Draco replied dryly.

"Draco, how many times do I have to tell you? You can tell me what's bothering you. Is it your ex with that blonde woman? I thought you were over him," he frowned.

Draco narrowed his eyes. "Since when have you become my parent? I don't need to explain everything to you, ok? Just let it go, David."

David scowled and looked the other way.

Draco only grew more and more irritated from the brunette's presence and from the blonde woman at Potter's table. Gritting his teeth, Draco managed to keep his temper under control.

*

A few days later, Harry received an owl from the blonde, asking to meet up at the Three Broomsticks for a drink. Just when Harry was getting ready, Linda had flooed into Grimmould Place.

"Hey, Lin," Harry called. "You have to help me."

"What is it?"

"Draco sent me an owl, said he wanted to meet up for a drink and I'm a nervous wreck."

"Calming draught?"

"I'm not that desperate," Harry scowled. "Ok, never mind. I need to take a deep breath and calm down." He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Alright, I'm ready."

"Good luck, sweetie," Linda said, patting him gently on the back.

Harry smiled at her and stepped into the floo. He was thankful that the Three Broomsticks was connected to his fireplace, it saved him an unnecessary trip to Diagon Alley. When he stepped out of the fireplace, he spotted Draco immediately near the window. He had his head supported on his hand as he stared outside. Harry swallowed thickly and walked up to Draco with courage he didn't knew he possessed.

"Hi."

Draco glanced up and nodded silently, inviting him to sit down as a waiter approached them. Harry ordered a Butterbeer, while Draco was still sipping a Firewhiskey and smoking a cigarette.

"So, how are you?" Harry asked awkwardly.

"I'm good," Draco answered. "What about you?"

"I've got nothing to complain about," he answered with a shrug.

_I bet you don't,_ Draco thought irritably. "That's good. It's good you moved on."

"Like you did, you mean?"

"Yeah, like I did," Draco replied. "Didn't think I'd see you with a woman though. Thought you said you were gay?"

Harry frowned at the blonde. "I'm about as straight as a rainbow flag, so yeah I'm pretty gay."

Now Draco was frowning. "Aren't you with the blonde I saw you with yesterday?"

"What gave you that idea?" Harry crossed his arms over his chest.

"The blonde woman being so _friendly_ towards you, the book on wedding dresses …"

Harry let out a loud laugh, much to Draco's annoyance. "Draco, the woman is a colleague of mine," he giggled. "I'm not involved with her at all."

"But … what about all the wedding talk then?" the blonde frowned.

"You heard that?"

"You two were pretty loud," Draco replied dryly.

"Hermione and Ron are getting married, surely you knew that."

Draco nodded, taking a sip from his Firewhiskey. "Yeah I knew, but how was I supposed to know that that's what you were talking about?"

"I'm sure you were pretty distracted what with your boyfriend sitting opposite you," Harry said, feeling a pang of jealousy. "How long have you two been together?"

"A little over a year," Draco replied, pointedly staring outside.

"Seems like a nice bloke," Harry lied. "Where did you two meet?"

"We met at Granger's house. She introduced us," Draco said. "We got together eventually."

"That's … erm, great," Harry said. "I'm glad for you."

"No you're not," Draco said with a knowing smirk. "You're not glad at all."

"Was I that transparent?"

Draco nodded. "Afraid so. So how are you really doing?"

"Feel like crap," Harry sighed. "And that feeling has only grown stronger when I found out you have a boyfriend now."

"I moved on, Potter. I suggest you do the same."

"Don't you think I tried?" Harry exclaimed. "Merlin, I tried my best, Draco, but I can't get you out of my head."

"Well, you should, because I don't have feelings for you." Lie number two. Draco knew he couldn't get rid of the feelings he still held for the man.

Harry paled a little and swallowed thickly. "You didn't have to be so blunt," he whispered, feeling his throat constrict.

"It's the truth, Potter," Draco said calmly. "It's no use crying over spilt milk, is it?"

Harry clenched his jaw. "Sure," he said. "So why meet with me for a drink? I didn't hear anything from you for over three years and now you want to have a drink."

"Thought it would be ok to catch up with each other," Draco shrugged.

"Oh, right."

Draco shifted uncomfortably and stared into his glass.

"How serious are you with him?"

He looked up, finding himself staring into a pair of emerald green eyes. "I don't think my relationship is any of your business, Potter."

"I'm just asking a question," Harry huffed.

"And I told you that it's not any of your business," Draco said, eyes narrowing at the man.

"Fine, don't tell me anything."

"What happened to Mike?"

Harry looked up sharply. "Are you kidding? I haven't seen the guy in over three years. The last time I saw him was when you broke up with me. What did you think, that I would run to Mike as soon as we were over? Did you really think I could get over you that quick?"

"Well, you were quick enough you spread your legs for him," Draco said bitterly.

Harry sighed. "You're obviously still angry about that."

"Of course I am! Did you think I could forget that?" Draco snarled. "I didn't, Potter. And it took me a lot of time to get over it, you know? All I wanted was to forget it and you, for that matter. Your friend Granger helped me with that and she introduced me to David."

"You're calling him by his first name," Harry muttered. "You never did that for me. Was it because I didn't mean enough to you to be called by my first name? Was I just with you for sexual release?"

"I call you Potter because it's what I'm used to," Draco said. "I know you for a long time while I've known David for two years. And besides, if you meant nothing to me, would I've stayed with you then? I think you know me better than that."

"You would've left me if you weren't interested anymore, and I would've too. You know that," Harry said. "I would've broken up with you if I weren't in love with you anymore. But I didn't Draco, you broke up with me. And for a good reason, I know. I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with a cheater?" he added bitterly.

Harry bowed his head, trying not to show Draco the self-loathing he still felt. He had never gotten over his cheating with Mike, and apparently Draco hadn't either, which was understandable. "Look, you've got a new relationship and I would only be in the way, right?" He didn't wait for Draco to answer, since he knew how the blonde thought about him. "It would be better for us if we stayed away from each other. It was what you suggested on the night we broke up, and I think you're right. We should." He threw down some money and left the pub while his body trembled. Harry tried desperately to keep his emotions in check, but once he was outside, the tears sprang into his eyes. He let out a choked sob, trying to muffle it.

Then he felt two strong arms around his waist, pulling him against a hard chest. "Draco," he choked out, turning into the blonde's embrace and hugged him tightly, burying his face into the crook of Draco's neck.

Draco slid his hand through Potter's hair, sighing as he heard the man cry. "Don't cry, Harry," he murmured. "You need to get over this."

"I c-can't," Harry sobbed. "I can't, Draco. Those years without you was hell."

"This isn't any better is it?" Draco pulled away to look into the man's eyes.

"Please, Draco, I want to talk to you in private," Harry begged. "I can't say the things I want to say out here."

Draco sighed. "Fine." He side-along Apparated with Potter to Grimmould Place. The house looked as gloomy as ever, Draco noticed. He followed his ex-lover to the living room, looking slightly awkward. "You had things to say?"

Harry nodded and took a deep breath. "First, I'm sorry for breaking down like that. It hasn't happened in a while and I swear I didn't cry to get you in my home."

"I believe you," Draco said, sitting down on the couch.

"I just … I guess I am happy that you've found someone else to make you happy. And I know that what I did will be unforgivable but it's even harder when you're not around at all. You know I tried to forget you, tried … sleeping with men."

Draco scowled and looked away, crossing his arms over his chest.

"But I didn't," Harry said hastily. "I haven't had sex with anyone since … you know, we broke up. So then I drowned myself in alcohol and eventually in my work." When he saw the look on Draco's face, Harry chuckled from embarrassment. "Yeah, I have a job, but unfortunately it distracts for only a few hours a day. It's not enough. I never knew it would be so hard letting go of the person you love. And I don't … know if you loved me or if you cared about me, but … you have to know that you'll always have a special place in my heart, Draco." This time, Harry didn't sob, but silently went on as the tears coursed down his cheeks. "You have to know I still love you, and I always will."

"I know you told me you don't have feelings for me―" Harry's throat constricted at that as he stared down at the floor. He knew it would be easier to tell Draco while watching the floor pattern rather than seeing the amusement in Draco's cold eyes. The man would sure laugh hard in his face when he was done. "―and that's only for the better now that you're with David, I guess. I thought finding happiness wasn't meant for me after I finished Hogwarts, I thought I always would be surrounded by death and darkness, hence I didn't want to be an Auror. But the time I was happiest was my time with you, Draco. I don't know if you were happy, or if you were only keeping me out of convenience, but it meant a great deal to me. To me, you are the love of my life, and I have to let you go."

"I hope David will be able to make you happy in a way that I couldn't," Harry said. "I hope … you know what being in love feels like, even if it's not with me. I hope you'll be happy with this man. And I mean that more than anything." He wiped his tears away and slowly looked up in Draco's unreadable face. "That's what I wanted to tell you. If you want to laugh at me, now would be the time."

Draco just looked at him with a frown. "Where the hell has your self-esteem gone to? The Bahamas?"

"My self-esteem kind of dropped below zero after our break-up," Harry shrugged. "I already have Hermione on my back, but … she has the wedding to be concerned about now."

"I'm not going to laugh at you," Draco said. "I think you needed to get all that off your chest, and you did. I have to admit that these past three years have been difficult, but I got over it and I moved on. At first I used David as a distraction, but now … He means more to me now. I care about him," he said quietly.

Harry nodded slowly, swallowing thickly as fresh tears rolled down. "And what did I mean to you? Was I a toy for you to play with? Was I just something to fuck? Was it my body you wanted? You know, you never once told me you cared for me, you never showed enough emotion for that," he snarled bitterly. "Did I mean that little to you?"

"I wondered the same when I found out Mike had fucked you," Draco countered. "I wondered if I meant that little for you to sleep with a man you knew for two weeks."

"And I told you that I regret it! What do you want me to do? Take Veritaserum to prove it?"

"I don't want you to prove anything, Potter. You need to let it go, let me go. I have a different life now―"

"A life where I don't fit in?" Harry asked miserably.

"Exactly."

Harry stared down at the floor. "Please tell me what I meant to you. Tell me it all meant something, Draco. Was that year and a half a laugh to you? Were you laughing behind my back with your pureblood friends?"

"No, I wasn't," Draco said, getting off the couch. He approached Harry, pulling him into an intimate embrace, wrapping his arms around the man's neck. "You know, I haven't slept with David, because I couldn't. The last person I slept with was you, and I wanted to keep it that way for a while," he murmured. "David asks me to make love to him, but I can't. I'm lucky he's a patient person, Merlin knows I'm not."

"I know," Harry said. "You definitely aren't the patient one. I remember how you always want to do things your way and how you actually tell someone straight to their faces what you think, even if it's rude. I've come to appreciate your sarcastic and snarky personality. It often made for good amusement."

"It does, doesn't it?" Draco murmured, burying his hand in the raven locks.

"I miss it," Harry whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around Draco's waist. "I miss you, I miss the time we had together before … before I screwed everything up. I wasn't even thinking then. I had felt different when Mike expressed his attraction towards me, it sent a thrill through my body to know that I was desired. I think that's what was wrong with us. And you were right by the way."

"About what?"

"That we can't provide the things we need to each other. I needed to know that someone out there did care for me and loved me. I needed to know that I was wanted. But still, it didn't seem to matter when I was with you. Even though you never told me how you felt about me, I always had the feeling of belonging somewhere. Being with you made me feel complete."

Draco sighed, closing his eyes as they were both lost in the embrace.

"Do you think you could be happy with David?" Harry asked softly.

"Yeah, I think so. He doesn't know me as well as you do, but like I said, we knew each other longer. He's trying though. He was afraid he couldn't compete with the famous Harry Potter, but I told him that I wouldn't compare between you two, I just told him he needed to be himself."

"It sounds like you've made something of your life," Harry murmured. "I've made a complete mess of my life. After you left, the first thing I did was cry real hard and then I went to the Three Broomsticks to get myself some much needed alcohol. Ron and Hermione weren't with me, so I could do whatever I wanted. I hit on a bloke, ended up in bed with him but I told him some lame excuse about needing to use the bathroom and I left him there. I could not make myself sleep with some complete stranger after I hurt you so much because I did something like that. And that went on for a couple of months until Hermione told me about this paper and that they needed a columnist. I applied for the job and got it. I mostly work extra shifts just to distract myself. My assistant Linda, the blonde you saw me with a few days ago, is pretty much like Hermione, always on my case. She worries a lot too, and sometimes it drives me nuts, but she's the one that grounds me whenever I lose it. She means a lot to me and she's a dear friend. Other than that …"

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it was for the best," Draco said, pulling back slightly. He traced the man's jaw with his index finger, sliding his finger across Harry's lower lip.

"I know," Harry whispered. "I thought about everything you told me that night and you were right. It is for the best, but it's just so hard, you know? You were my first in almost everything and I won't forget that."

Draco pressed a soft kiss to Harry's lips, closing his eyes at the soft moan that escaped Harry's lips. "We have to move on. You'll find a man who can give you everything you need, Harry. Maybe we can stay in touch, maybe we can get together in the future when everything has settled down a little."

"I would like that," Harry said, smiling slightly. "It's better if you go, your boyfriend is probably wondering where you are."

Draco nodded and let go of Harry completely. "He probably is. I'll see myself out and I wish all the best to you."

"Same here."

Draco glanced over his shoulder once and walked out of the living room and out of the front door. Harry heard a 'crack!' and knew Draco had Apparated away. He sighed deeply and dropped onto the couch. It didn't matter how much he wanted to deny everything, he now knew that there was no chance of him and Draco ever getting back together. He was convinced that it was for the best, like Draco said.

Maybe there was someone in the world who wanted to make him happy, who wanted to make him feel loved. He just had to wait until love found him.

"Time is what I have," Harry said wistfully and stared up at the ceiling with a soft smile.


End file.
